Know What I Mean?!?!

What do you do when you feel rejected? What do you do when you feel that those closest to you do you wrong or push you aside? Unfortunately, that’s going to happen to everyone of us. During this time on earth, you and me both are going to experience the hurt, disappointment, and sadness that comes with feeling like you’re not good enough or you’re not needed. If there’s any painful feeling, this feeling of rejection is raw. It reaches down to the core of us and hits a nerve that makes it hard to recover. It’s almost like a blow to the gut.  So where do you go from here? Well, logically I see only a couple answers to that question. First one being, I guess you could punch them in the throat. As ratchet and hood rat as my inner self wants to be, I don’t feel like answering the wrong with another wrong is the answer. Even though anger is my first response usually, when all is said, it’s really my feelings that are just hurt.  Though I don’t agree with this response to reject...

 So, here I am at camp with the youth from our church. Went to service in the chapel last night totally ready to get my Jesus on. And then it happen. The speaker drops a truth bomb that really made me think and kind of shook me. His  words were, “If  you are a worrier, then you’re acting as an atheist.”  Well bro, ouch. Why does it hurt so bad? Probably because I was currently sitting there  with a daunting worry of my own. My thoughts and my concerns were consumed by this one task that I am truly afraid of.  If anybody knows me, you know that I’m a control freak. I like to plan out a day and know what’s coming next so that I can prepare myself for whatever is to come. That’s pretty much the opposite of faith. God called us to truly trust Him and sit back and relax knowing that He has our back. It’s super hard for me to do. My insecurities jump out and my fear of looking like a fool or looking like a less than I am it’s flashing bright as an alert to me. ...

First of all, let me say....MAMA’S HOME! Ha! Man, I haven’t blogged in a minute! But God has been gently reminding me how therapuetic it is to me and how you just never know if someone else needs to hear your thoughts. If you know anything about me, you know to put on your seat belt because most of the things swimming around in my head are super random and/or straight out of some interesting situations and circumstances I find myself in. This blog, however, comes from a current struggle of mine. I wonder if any others find themselves in the same cycle... So lately I have just felt like I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I committed myself to a task that needed much attention and “care” (these are the nicest words I can say about it at this time), and it left me empty, frusterated, tired, and disappointed in myself. When I sat and evaluated my life, the things that I love about myself and the things that I feel make me happy were absent. I really had to stop and take a hard...

   I just wanted to give a shout out to my friends today. I have some great friends. Some of my friends I haven't seen in way too long, but I love that our conversations pick up like we have never been apart. Some of my friends I have the joy of seeing more occasionally, and I love that we can share our laughter, our encouragement and our dance parties together. Either way, I have some great friends.    At the moment, I have a lot of friends who are hurting. You should know I share your emotions with you. Even though I know I can not possibly feel what you are feeling, my heart hurts for you. And do know this... I won't stop praying till I see a change in your life. You have now entered my circle of prayer and I continue to not only pray this season to pass, but I will thank God for you and the times that you put me in your prayer circle.   The fact is, we have all had our good times, but we have also seen or get ready cause you will see, a low. If...

Oneness and unity?!? What is having "oneness"? These are words that today's society does not promote, let alone hardly know the definition of. In fact, it's very popular now to "be your own self" and to "be an individual, not a copy of someone else". Competition thrives in today's work place and sometimes even in the church. And the whole time, God is still calling us to "Oneness". Ephesians 4:4-6 You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. I was challenged to look at a busy intersection and notice the flow of the cars. The thing that caught my attention was the fact that there are two directions the cars were traveling. Duh, right? On one side of the road the cars ...

You know how things come in seasons?! Wow...I have never recalled having such a season as the one I am in. It feels like there are SHOCKERS left and right. In every area of my life, I have had some major shockers that include my job being rocked, friends suddenly passing away or moving. It just feels like one blow after another!! Now I sit back and look on the past months and it seems all I see is rubble and destruction from what was there. I feel I am left to pick up all this mess. However, I do know that the last sentence is where my insanity cycle would probably begin to take action again. I always feel like I have to do something; like I have to take action. And that is probably a true statement. However, I have always taken action by trying to fix the problem. Well, I am not gonna do that this time. I am going to take action by relaxing and trusting in God. I will not short-change Him this time. He is God and He will fix it all. Even though I see a mess right now, I will choose to...

It's doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. It could be at the workplace, a friends house...or even at church. Someone cracks a joke or makes a comment about you that hits too close to home. All the sudden every insecurity comes up. Questions come to the surface like, "Do you people really see me like that?" You thought you could trust people?! Many feeling soon follow. You suddenly feel ashamed, confused, sad and hurt. Everyone has or will feel this at one time or another. And let me either agree with you or warn you...it sucks. Its no fun. Good thing that God doesn't see you like man or the world sees you. Is that easy to accept in the moment of hurt? No. But it is reassurance that things won't always be this way. God has bigger plans for us. God has a better home for us where there will be no hurt words or actions of others. We will be whole and healed from all the world's junk. I was recently hurt and wasn't sure what to do with it. All I ...

I was given such the privilege to meet an incredible woman of God this past weekend. I'm talking a divine meeting. God spoke so much to me through this woman as she shared her heart and vision. Her words spoke to my core and enlightened me greatly. One of the things that hit me hard was when she spoke about the "reap what you sow" method. She shared how she chose to put herself and her self-care behind the needs of others. For legit reasons, she chose the needs of her children and her widowed mother before making her scheduled health appointments. Soon after, she was hit with the difficult news that she had stage 4 breast cancer. I was shocked and saddened as she shared this with me and the other women present, but it was her next sentence that woke me up. She shared that now it was the same people that she chose to take care of before herself that was having to help her up the stairs and comfort her. In that moment I thought, "How selfish am I to not take care of m...

OK, I'm gonna get straight to it. I was wondering why it doesn't really matter if people find out secrets about me these days. See, these secrets use to keep me in bondage. They use to paralyze me. I isolated myself and chose not to make a lot of close relationships in fear of what others may think of me. Thank God I don't live that way anymore. But when did the change happen? Where did my boldness and confidence come from? This is what I have come to the conclusion of: the people that I know and have confidence to have my back and support me outweighs those whom I fear may judge and hate. And this is a good place to be. It hasn't always been this way. But God has brought Mike and I to a safe place. A place where people don't judge. A place where God is truly first and people actually strive for more of Him. A family. A place where I know people would stand up and defend us if anyone tried to attack. A place where we can talk about those secrets that once help us ca...

So I hear that one of the stops that the blog-a-thonners are heading to is G&P Bakery! Well, i can't let you go there without suggesting my personal favorite dessert there!! You have got to try the Orange Brownie. OMG...it is the best by far! SO if she has some baked, get it! You won't be dissappointed! I like them so much that I wrote a rap about them. Ever been to the G&P Bakery? If not, you're missing out It's a must see. Why? Because they got an awesome orange brownie. Nothing like you ever had... Super tasty. So make your way on down to Grand Once you go you'll be a fan. You will not regret this plan. It's the best in the land.

If you haven't heard about the upcoming Blog-A-Thon here in Enid...WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING? I am super excited for this event!! So not only is there going to be non-stop blogging throughout the event, but many many giveaways (Reborn Artwear from Melodie Lunday and Sweet Nothing cupcakes) and stops (G&P Bakery and every donut shop in the city). This will be a great way for you to get out and visit Enid and what it has to offer! So mark your calendars for June 3rd and 4th! You will not regret it! Please visit www.followeric.com for more info as well as places and goodies involved! My Blog-A-Thon Rap I am super excited for my good friend "E" And his blogging buddy His sidekick Benny It started with a dream And here we are today A mega big event Thats coming your way Now they are droppin' names Of business around Where you can go and spend your do' On goodies in E-Town Donuts from the whole city And other scrumscious bakes And don't you dare forget Those S...

I need to work on time management. Can anyone else relate? God's kinda been hinting that I need to make some adjustments in this area for a couple reasons. First of all, it seems I am getting through things on damage control mode...one eventful moment after another. I seem to always be late places and always tired. More importantly, I know He has asked me to do somethings I have been so caught up in my own craziness that I haven't made his word, will and commands top priority. It's got to change. I remind myself that His will and plans are so much bigger than mine. I also remind myself that time is wrapping up and I've got to get on the ball with things...His things. James 4:13-15 Look here, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year, we will do business there and make a profit." How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog - it's there for a little while, then it...

When you hear the word forgiveness, what automatically goes through your mind? Do you see a person that has hurt you deep to the core? Maybe you were the one that did the hurting? If we are honest, we can all say that we have been on both ends of forgiveness. We have at one time forgave and at another time been the forgiven. If you are like me, there are times when you find yourself at a point where you need to forgive yourself. You know the saying..."We are our own worst critic." Do you find that true? I thought to myself, I am going to write down all the things I feel I need forgiveness from. Um...3 pages later, I decided I had a lot of things I was holding on to and needed to forgive myself for. No wonder I was exhausted; I was carrying huge amounts of guilt day in and day out. Psalm 103:3-4 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies . Thank God I can let go of this stuff. Thank God He doesn't...

Hi. Meet my old friend the monster. His name is selfishness. He has been a friend for far too long. It's really time for him to go. It's amazing how big he has got in such a small amount of time. Yet he gets uglier by the day. I don't consider myself as the selfish type that boast. It's really not about what I have. It's quite the opposite actually. I seem to get caught up in what I don't have and where I lack instead. Still, it's all about me. Well, NO MORE. I believe, and therefore have to stand on the statement that "I hold something that the world desperately needs."(Lisa Bevere, Nurture) So I can't isolate and withdraw anymore. I can't live in past broken friendships and hurts. I get to make friends and live fully in the gifts and talents God has given me. I wrote a rap about it. Haha . Envision this white girl spittin '. (That means rapping for those who are not down with ghetto lingo.) Here it goes. It's called: The Monst...

Fear. Such a small word but with huge consequences. If we are honest, we have all been held captive to fear at one time or another. Fear in tangled us like vines wrapped around us keeping us from moving, speaking or even thinking of anything other than the situation itself. Maybe you have fear over your future. Maybe it is finances. Maybe you are afraid of others perceptions of yourself. Whatever it is, this fear has trapped us and kept us from sharing God's true life of victory He has for us. A verse that has been on my mind a lot lately: Rev 12:11 And they defeated him (the devil) because of the blood of the Lamb and their testimony. And they were not afraid to die . There has got to be a time when enough is enough. You get sick of watching those around you hurting and struggling. Your heart breaks for those who are broken. You just can't keep quiet any longer. So here it is...my testimony. Since I was young, I have always struggled with being too self conscious. I care too...

My friend at work was so nice to go get me a lemonade tea from Taco Mayo. And as I glanced at the cup, I read this on the cup..."A full cup must be carried STEADILY." How true is that in our relationship with Christ?! If you are like me, you have prayed on more than one occasion this prayer, "God fill me and use me. Overflow in my life!" The problem comes when we don't change our ways. We walk around clumsy and spilling ourselves in selfish ways instead of opening ourselves up for God to purify us and help us stand up tall. Most of the time, it is easier for us to sit in our complacent recliner waiting for God to move. It doesn't work that way. God's done His part. He gave all...His time, His life and His love. Thank God He is the faithful one in our relationship. We have got to step out of our clumsy ways and get steady with God. We've got to create a foundation and a relationship with Him that can not be moved. The world is waiting for us; for so...

Here's another Beth Moore quote for ya.... "Forgiveness involves my handing over to God the responsibility for justice." That's good right. Anyone else had a hard time letting go and forgiving someone? It's hard!! Why? Because it hurt!! But no matter the pain that has occurred or forgiving that needs to take place, we have to give it to God. This gets everything back lined up. See, He is the one with the justice and power, not us. I will go as far to say that we might have some pride issues if we hold on to this bondage and/or take revenge and not trust God to take care of the situation. Haven't we learned by now that Gods ways are higher, and better might I add, than ours (Is. 55:9)? When we give it to God, He will defend us, protect us, redeem us and free us. I don't know about you, but that is the life I want to live in. This is a life of light and a life full of God's truth. Will you let Him be the judge as well as healer in your circumstance tod...

Ever watch the Madea plays or movies? I stinkin ' love her. She goes from sarcastic to straight ghetto quick. I especially love it when something makes her mad enough that she has to pull out her hand held gun from her purse and fire a few rounds. I oddly just think it is funny. I heard a quote recently that made me think of Madea and her shots fired. Beth Moore stated, "As long as you have sympathy for your addiction or negative behavior, you will not be able to give it up. You have to hate it!" I started thinking about this statement and I agree with it. It made me wonder if I felt a love connection or a emotional attachment to the very things I have been trying to give to God. Romans 12:9 says, "Your love must be sincere. Hate what is evil and cling to what is good." Sin stands between us and God...between us and freedom. We have to do whatever it takes to hate sin and what is evil. We can't just push it aside for the moment. We need to get Madea on ...

I been reminded of something today...we are at war!! If you are like me, it so easy to become complacent. I have even found myself choosing laziness over putting out the effort to live a free and vivacious life in Christ. The fact is...I got dooped! I fell into a lie. I let my guard down for a second and I got reeled in. This is why we need to be on guard at all time. In reality, the war never ends. It doesn't let up. It is constantly going on. Ephesians 6:10-11 says "A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil." Later on in that same chapter, I believe it gives us the answer to how we can put on that armor daily and be on guard. Ephesians 6:18 "Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians." So we are in a war. If you are like me , I want to p...

I had an epiphany today. It is something super obvious when I state it back, but had a very resounding effect when it all came clear to me. So think with me. This whole episode started because of a statement in the women's bible study today. Beth Moore stated, "We often feel the (family) chains never fall off of us because they're in us." Now personally, I feel you can interchange the word family with other chains you feel are holding you captive. Maybe you are dealing with drugs, alcohol, food, anger or insecurities. These are all things that are killing our insides (physically and spiritually). So first, I think we need to put the chains in its rightful place...outside of the body. We need to remember that only one thing should be occupying our insides. That is Jesus Christ. Once we get everything back in its rightful place, confusion is cleared up and we are able to get our focus back what is real. When we let Christ occupy our insides, it is Christ who lives withi...